I woke up again this morning with a vague feeling that I had forgotten something.
It happens every now and then, and I usually attribute it to pregnancy brain or just blame Los Angeles and my early 2000s style when rolling was just as much an accessory as stilettoes to the tank top and jeans uniform.
The more I think about it, I wasn’t forgetting anything. No, I was feeling bits and pieces of a dream that was fuzzy and out of shape. I push into my head and find myself on a train in the Swiss Alps and putting notebooks in a backpack.
And quickly the dream comes back to me, I am on this train trying to get myself to do work (homework?) and reminding myself of all the other classes (vector algebra, medieval history, philosophy?) that I had signed up for but never completed. Somewhere I insist that I completed everything and would have never signed up for an upper level Algebra class. But my dream is relentless and pushes my into another subconscious where I am in a large test room, confronted by professors, admissions officers and guidance counselors who show me lists of work I still have yet to complete.
I touch the edges of the folders they hand me and now I am feeling the dream. I have deliberately ignored all of this work and maybe I have lied (to myself, to others. I don’t want to believe but it’s in front of me. But I am well aware of lucid dreaming so I look down at my own hands for a reality check and am pushed back onto the train, shoving notebooks in a backpack, nervous because there is something I am forgetting…
Trains. I have always loved rail travel, especially long distance and over night trains. It’s no surprise that I should find myself on one but in this dream, why with a backpack full of notebooks for classes and programs I am not doing? The train I am on is the Bernina Express, the beautiful red train with the large glass windows that takes you from Tirano, Italy to Chur, Switzerland. In real life, I coveted that train for years and finally had a chance to travel on it this year. Yes, it was everything I wanted- – gorgeous views, spirally tracks, amazing mountains, narrow ravines, turn of the century stations, and so dreamily warm inside, thanks to all of the light. In my dream, the train is still warm and well lit, and that is why I am not angry …
Dream interpreters will tell you that being on a moving train signifies personality growth, a movement toward better life. Add my re-occurring unfinished mystery dream, and perhaps I am moving toward better acknowledgement of the things I avoid, things I don’t want to do, places I don’t want to be.